School Advocacy Series: What Helps Me Communicate

When your child is neurodivergent, navigating the school system can feel overwhelming. You want your child to succeed, but you may find yourself caught between what you know your child needs and what the school says it can provide. Effective communication is the bridge that connects your deep knowledge of your child with the school's resources and expertise.

Foundation Principles

Always lead with your child's needs and your shared goals with school staff. Begin conversations by establishing common ground: "We both want Sarah to succeed in math. I've noticed she's struggling with homework, and I'm wondering if we can brainstorm some strategies together." This approach immediately frames the conversation as collaborative problem-solving rather than adversarial complaint-making.

Use specific, observable examples rather than generalizations. Instead of saying "Jake is always anxious," try "I've noticed Jake mentions stomach aches on Sunday nights and Monday mornings, and he's been reluctant to go to school this week." Specific examples help teachers understand exactly what you're seeing and make it easier to identify patterns and solutions. It makes it come alive more for them.

When you say "Emma has trouble focusing," teachers might interpret that differently than you intend. But when you say "Emma can focus well for about 15 minutes on preferred activities, but seems to zone out after 5-10 minutes during non-preferred tasks like writing," you give teachers actionable information they can use.

Stay solution-focused rather than blame-focused. Even when problems are significant, approach conversations with curiosity and a genuine desire to problem-solve. Ask questions like "What do you think might be contributing to this?" or "What strategies have worked with other students in similar situations?" This approach keeps everyone focused on helping your child rather than defending past decisions.

Time your conversations appropriately. Don't try to have serious discussions when teachers are managing classroom transitions, during their lunch break, or at the end of a long day. Email to schedule phone calls or meetings, and respect the structured times schools set aside for parent communication. A teacher who feels respected in terms of timing is much more likely to give you their full attention.

Lane Diagnostics helps Florida families develop these communication skills by providing comprehensive autism evaluation reports that include specific, observable examples of your child's behaviors and needs. Our detailed assessments give parents the concrete language and documentation needed to communicate effectively with school teams about autism-related accommodations.

The Art of Asking Questions

Use questions to gather information and build understanding. Instead of making statements like "You're not providing enough support," try questions like "Can you help me understand what supports are currently in place?" or "What does a typical day look like for Emma in your classroom?" These questions often reveal information that helps you advocate more effectively.

Ask about successful strategies. "What have you tried that seems to help Jake focus?" or "Are there times when Emma seems more successful in class?" These questions help you understand what's working and can inform your requests for additional supports.

Inquire about resources and constraints. "What would need to happen for Emma to get movement breaks?" or "What support would you need to implement this accommodation?" These questions show that you understand teachers face real constraints while still advocating for your child's needs.

At Lane Diagnostics, our Florida-based child psychologists prepare parents for these important conversations by explaining evaluation findings in practical terms. We help families understand how to translate autism assessment results into specific questions and requests that lead to productive discussions with educators throughout Florida school districts.

DEAR MAN Technique for Difficult Conversations

This is one of my favorite tools for difficult conversations, and comes from a special type of therapy called DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy). This technique is called DEAR MAN, because of the acronym that helps you remember each part, and it’s a wonderful tool to keep in your back pocket (figuratively of course) when navigating difficult conversations.

Describe the situation objectively without judgment or emotional language. Instead of "You're not following my daughter's IEP," try "I've noticed that Emma hasn't been receiving her scheduled movement breaks this week." Focus on observable facts rather than interpretations or assumptions about motivations.

Express your feelings and concerns clearly but calmly. "I'm concerned because movement breaks help Emma focus, and I've noticed she's coming home more frustrated with school lately." Use "I" statements to express your concerns without making the other person defensive.

Assert what you need or want to happen. "I'd like to understand what's preventing the movement breaks and work together to find a solution that works for everyone." Be specific about what you're asking for, but remain open to different ways of achieving the goal.

Reinforce why this matters for your child's success. "These breaks aren't just nice to have—they're essential for Emma to access her learning and maintain emotional regulation." Help others understand the connection between your request and your child's educational success.

Stay Mindful and focused on your goal. Don't get sidetracked by other issues, defensive responses, or the temptation to bring up past problems. Keep bringing the conversation back to the specific issue and potential solutions.

Appear confident while remaining respectful. Speak with conviction about your child's needs while acknowledging the complexity of the classroom environment. Your tone should convey that you believe in your child's right to appropriate support without being aggressive or demanding.

Be willing to Negotiate and find creative solutions that work for everyone. "Would it be helpful if I provided a timer for Emma to use independently, or would you prefer that she check in with you before taking her breaks?" Show flexibility in how your child's needs are met while remaining firm about the need itself.

Email Communication Best Practices

Use clear, specific subject lines. "Question about Jake's math accommodations" is much more helpful than "Jake's school issues." Teachers receive many emails daily, and clear subject lines help them prioritize and respond appropriately.

Keep emails focused and concise. Address one main topic per email when possible. If you need to discuss multiple issues, use numbered or bulleted lists to make your message easy to follow.

Confirm important verbal conversations with follow-up emails. "Thanks for taking time to discuss Emma's movement breaks today. Just to make sure I understood correctly, we agreed that she'll take 5-minute breaks every 30 minutes, and you'll check in with me weekly about how it's going." This creates a written record and ensures everyone has the same understanding.

End emails with clear next steps or questions. "Please let me know if you need any additional information from me" or "I'll check in with you next Friday to see how the new strategy is working" helps move conversations forward productively.

Documentation and Follow-Up

Keep organized records of all communications, including emails, phone call notes, and meeting summaries. You don't need an elaborate system—a simple folder with dated documents works fine. This documentation becomes invaluable if problems persist or need to be escalated.

Take notes during phone calls and meetings. Include the date, who was present, key points discussed, and any agreements made. Share these notes with participants when appropriate: "Here's my understanding of what we discussed. Please let me know if I missed anything important."

Follow up on agreements and commitments. If someone says they'll try a new strategy or get back to you with information, follow up politely if you don't hear back within a reasonable timeframe. "I wanted to check in about the classroom modification we discussed last week. Have you had a chance to try it with Emma?"

If communication challenges persist despite using these strategies, Lane Diagnostics provides ongoing consultation for Florida families navigating school advocacy. Our autism specialists can help review communication strategies, suggest alternative approaches, and provide additional documentation to support your advocacy efforts in educational settings.

When to Escalate

Know when and how to escalate professionally. If classroom-level problem-solving isn't working after multiple attempts, the next step is usually the special education coordinator, guidance counselor, or an administrator. Approach escalation as seeking additional resources rather than going over someone's head.

Include the original person in escalation when possible. "Ms. Smith and I have been working together on strategies for Jake's focus issues. We've tried several approaches, and we'd like to involve you to see if there are additional resources or strategies we might consider."

Frame escalation positively. "We need additional expertise" sounds much better than "This isn't working." Focus on your child's needs and your desire to find effective solutions rather than criticizing previous efforts.

Effective communication is both an art and a skill that improves with practice. The goal isn't to become a perfect communicator overnight, but to develop strategies that help you advocate clearly and collaboratively for your child's needs. In our next post, we'll explore how to put these communication skills into action through daily advocacy practices.